Glop – Seven Liters of Science

I’m sure by now you’ve all seen this thing:

But just in case you haven’t, it isn’t a troll, but a translation of the original Sword Art Online web novel’s infamously bad sex scene. Naturally this god-awful shit was censored from the LN version to do a favor to humanity, but of course some people just had to go and dig it up as if we needed to find a rival to Nasu in the series of mind-boggling copulation scenes. But it got me thinking, how much exactly is two years worth of the white stuff? Let’s see here, time to do some of that science shit…

The force and amount of semen that will be ejected during an ejaculation will vary widely between men and may contain between 0.1 and 10 milliliters.[10] (By way of comparison, note that a teaspoon is 5 ml and a tablespoon holds 15 ml.) Adult semen volume is affected by the time that has passed since the previous ejaculation; larger semen volumes are seen with greater durations of abstinence.

A 1992 World Health Organization report described normal human semen as having a volume of 2 ml or greater, pH of 7.2 to 8.0, sperm concentration of 20×106 spermatozoa/ml or more, sperm count of 40×106 spermatozoa per ejaculate or more, and motility of 50% or more with forward progression (categories a and b) of 25% or more with rapid progression (category a) within 60 minutes of ejaculation.[5]

Now assuming everyone reading this shit is your general male anime consumer and faps once or twice a day, this would mean two years worth of semen amounts to roughly 1.45 liters with 2ml a pop. However if we consider the absolute maximum reported (which is usually the absolute minimum volume if any hentai is concerned) then we’re talking about some 7.2 liters. I guess the text is pretty accurate in at least that – gushing out 7 liters would indeed feel pretty much endless. In fact it could be downright lethal given that the average human body doesn’t even contain 7 liters of blood, let alone semen. Perhaps someone with a degree in urology can shed some light on this.

And this is not to mention how Asuna could have possibly had enough…uhh…capacity for such load. You know, it may actually be better to not try explore this any further.

NSFW (Not Safe For Work):   Show

Here, something a bit more plausible.

But this indeed provides an interesting metric for rating anime girls, and lo and behold what I bore witness to when coming home from work today…

[13:44] <@Guncannon> How many litres would you rate Eru
[13:44] <@Kurogane> mmmm at least 5
[14:09] <@Kurogane> yeah
[14:09] <@Kurogane> i think
[14:09] <@Kurogane> i’ll upgrade Eru to 8 liters now
[14:11] <+Ice_Rabbit> also if asuna = 7 liters is our base
[14:12] <+Ice_Rabbit> eru is definitely below 7
[14:27] <+WtFrostyCakes> look what you did to this channel, Nobar!

Hope this has enriched your SAO viewing experience, kids.

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18 Comments

  1. Posted July 23, 2012 at 15:30 | Permalink

    I’m not sure if this counts as peer review or not, but I also came up with seven liters when I calculated an estimate last week or so.

  2. Puuhakka
    Posted July 23, 2012 at 16:27 | Permalink

    I just have to wonder what kind of perverts would put a sex simulation, not to talk about semen, into an MMO? Either they trust their players not to be horny asshats WAY too much, or they haven’t seen what kind of shit usually goes down in, say, WoW. Also, if there’s sex simulation, is there also pregnancy?

    OH MY SANITY!

    • Posted July 23, 2012 at 18:07 | Permalink

      Well, Kirito did actually come up with an explanation for this detailed intercourse and bodily fluid simulation with a piece exposition jammed awkwardly mid-sex. The male players apparently inhibited intense signs anxiety when they had no pen0r so sexual organs were implemented after the beta test. Sure, what an explanation!

    • Yagami
      Posted July 24, 2012 at 05:26 | Permalink

      If you read the LNs, then you would know there is pregnancy, kinda.

      • Puuhakka
        Posted July 24, 2012 at 12:48 | Permalink

        Oh dear lord! The implications, all the implications!

        I do hope there’s also online child support and online alimony payments. Also, can you be considered a bad father if you don’t login to see your son/daughter every once in a while? Is there an online social service that comes to take away your child?

        My brain hurts.

  3. Posted July 23, 2012 at 16:52 | Permalink

    I love science

  4. Posted July 23, 2012 at 18:15 | Permalink

    Jinx, You made my day! Great job! :D

  5. Posted July 23, 2012 at 22:24 | Permalink

    See? The author has clearly done his research. This short excerpt is a masterpiece, totally indicating why light novel fans and idiots in general are all amazed by this groundbreaking show. I’m sure the adaptation will ruin this for all eternity by either cutting it out, focusing the camera on much more intriguing things such as parts of the environment or replacing the coitus with a cg dolphin. A-1 should ask DEEN for help with that one.

    Also, you could rape players in the game. Nasty. And there’s no need for condoms!

    Btw, I rather like putting thought into the ridiculous premise of the story. Think about it: It’s Kirito’s goal to let players return to reality. Most players, however, have long since given up any hope about that and prefer living a peaceful life in the world of Sword Art Online. Not only that Kirito would destory their utopia, they’d return to reality after two years or more. They’d be frail, slim, fucking ugly, in debts for being cared of and whereas the adults would have lost their jobs, the teenagers would have missed 2 years (or more) of school and would have to catch up. Basically, they’re already isolated from society. That’s not a life worth living!
    This means that Kirito is not their savior but, uhh, their worst foe or something like that. He’s an antihero and this makes it all the more plausible to consider SAO as the deconstruction of the MMORPG genre. Yup.

    • NovaJinx
      Posted July 24, 2012 at 04:19 | Permalink

      >deconstruction

      Sigh.

      • Posted July 24, 2012 at 12:13 | Permalink

        It was meant to be ironic and to make fun of the fanbase, you know?

      • NovaJinx
        Posted July 24, 2012 at 12:56 | Permalink

        Don’t even joke about that :I

      • Posted July 24, 2012 at 19:16 | Permalink

        But Nova, gallows humour and sarcasm are like the only proper ways to encounter large parts of anime fandom. Not joking about certain things would be just too sad.

  6. Yagami
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 05:16 | Permalink

    What the fuck did i just skim?

  7. Yagami
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 05:23 | Permalink

    Oh and i enjoyed the LN.

    EVEN WITH THE “infamously bad” SEX SCENE.

    Also, I don’t think you know what bad is, because there are far worse sex scenes out there.

  8. VoiceOfReason
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 22:29 | Permalink

    How about we take this a little further?
    How long would 7 liters of anything take to leave your average human body?

    • Stella
      Posted April 13, 2014 at 02:44 | Permalink

      Think about the article, they already gave half the equation. Every ejaculation secretes anywhere between 0.2 – 10 ml (as said above). If I remember correctly, a male ejaculation lasts between 3-4 seconds. Now, there’s lots of different combinations. I’ll take the average here though, and let us say Kirito is ejaculating about 4.8 ml per ejaculation.

      4.8 ml is equal to 0.0048000 liters.
      0.0048 liters goes into 7.2 liters about 1500 times
      1500 times 3 is 4500, and 1500 times 4 is 6000

      Kirito is essentially orgasming for anytime between 4500-6000 seconds.

  9. Magus_Killer
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 21:12 | Permalink

    Best thing I’ve read all day. Thanks.

  10. EcchiKun
    Posted September 9, 2012 at 13:27 | Permalink

    Does anyone know a link to the lisbeth one.

One Trackback

  • By Kirito and Asuna Suck « Something Eternal on September 8, 2012 at 07:02

    [...] And what unique and definable traits does Kirito have? Aside from his vast amount of skills and inventory, none. He is no different than every other male lead for otaku to project themselves on as they fantasize of Asuna and her seven liter capacity. [...]

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